


No Reiji, You're Not Ugly

by pastpassages



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Multi, and self-indulgent, no archive warnings but fair warning this is angsty, reiji just needs love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 21:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18106877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastpassages/pseuds/pastpassages
Summary: Sometimes his thoughts run together, and the only thing he can make out of them all is this:It's because I'm ugly.





	No Reiji, You're Not Ugly

_ It’s because I’m ugly. _

It’s his first response when Natsuki asks him why he stares so intently, so long in the mirror sometimes. He knows he can’t say it though, he doesn’t want to make Natsuki worry. 

Instead, he tells him that he's just seeing if he has anything in his teeth, or checking for acne-somehow he still gets it as an adult, lucky him. 

Natsuki stares at him for a little while, then lets it go.  _ Thank God. _

He knows he should deal with it but he doesn't want to. Not yet.

***

Ren's running his hand through Reiji's hair, the two of them relaxing after a long day. Reiji loses himself in the feeling of Ren's hands, firm but caring, stroking along his scalp.

“You know,” Ren says. “I could stare at you all day. You're really something.”

It breaks Reiji out of his reverie, denials instantly coming to mind. He forces himself to smile, tries to distract himself by turning his head up to look at Ren. He can lose himself in Ren's eyes and stop thinking about how his nose isn't quite right, or any of the other little things he hates about himself. 

“I could say the same about you,” Reiji says.

Ren smiles down at him. Ren really is beautiful. 

_ How did he ever pick me? _

***

Work has been tiring, that's why he says it. He just finished a tour, then photoshoot after photoshoot, endless poking and prodding from makeup artists and stylists, making him just so. 

While Natsuki and Ren are holding him, comforting him and listening to him, it slips out when he's talking about one of the makeup artists saying he's rough to work on.

“I mean, yeah I'm kinda gross and ugly and all, but you don't have to like say it to my face you know? At least I try to be nice to them, unlike some people…” Ren and Natsuki are staring at him, silent. 

Reiji's confused for a moment-usually they don't judge him when he's venting like this. But then he realizes what he said. 

“I mean-” he starts. “You know, I'm getting older for an idol and all, and it can be harder for them to do me up to look nice for the shoots and…” he trails off. Ren and Natsuki are still staring at him. 

“Rei-chan,” Natsuki says. “Do you think you're ugly?”

“W-well, no more than most people, you know! Everyone's a little insecure about their looks!” He laughs, a little stilted. Why are they asking him that? He doesn't want to think about it. Doesn't want to deal with that. 

Ren tilts his head a little. “Most people don't casually call themselves 'kinda gross and ugly.’” 

Reiji doesn't know how to respond. 

Natsuki is still staring at him. “Do you really think that about yourself?”

Reiji can feel it. The dread and self-hate pooling in his gut, the blanket that goes over his mind, smothering him. He swallows, hard. 

“Yeah.”

Natsuki hugs him, tightly, Reiji's head is in Natsuki's shoulder and he can feel every inch of Natsuki's body. “You're not, Rei-chan, you're beautiful and amazing, and-”

“Well, you're supposed to say that.”  _ Oh God, no, why did he say that- _

“What?” Natsuki pulls away, confused. Ren is frowning. 

“I mean,”  _ shut up, shut up, _ “You're my boyfriends. So you're supposed to say I'm pretty and stuff.” He shrugs. 

“So what, it doesn't mean anything when we say that?” Ren asks. 

“Well,” Reiji chews his lip.  _ Probably ruining it, it's going to be chapped again if you keep doing that. _ “It's not that exactly…”

“Then what is it?”

Reiji sighs. “It's just, when you guys say I'm beautiful, I don't get it? I mean, I look weird, and I get acne, and…” he trails off. “I’m just...not. I’m not beautiful. At all.”

“Oh, Rei-chan…” Natsuki says. He holds his hands to his face, pity etched into his expression. Reiji can’t stand it. He starts to pull away, curling in on himself. He doesn’t want to see their pity, he already knows he’s pathetic, he doesn’t need anyone reminding him of it-

He feels a hand on his shoulder. He moves to brush it away, but it stays, insistent. He turns to find Ren looking at him. He can’t read his expression.

“Buki,” Ren begins, then frowns. “Reiji. You  _ are _ beautiful.” Reiji opens his mouth to respond, to explain all over again why he isn’t, but Ren puts his finger to Reiji’s lips. “Let me finish. You’re beautiful, but I understand that you don’t think so. And I know that it’s difficult, if not impossible for you to believe it right now. And that’s okay.” He pauses, takes Reiji’s hands. “That’s okay. You don’t have to right now, and I’m not going to try and force you. I know...I know, that it’s difficult, to believe in yourself. To think that you’re worth something.” Ren takes a shaky breath. “I still don’t believe it about myself, a lot of the time. But. But what I need you to know, is that I think, we think, you’re beautiful, and worth it. And we love you.” He squeezes Reiji’s hands, so tightly that it almost hurts. “And...I can’t tell you not to think that you’re ugly, I know that won’t work, but. Please, just. At least believe that we believe it. We’re not just saying it because we’re supposed to. We wouldn’t be with you if we didn’t love you, if we didn’t think you were wonderful.” Ren stops, looks at Reiji.

Reiji can’t see anything but love in his eyes. 

He looks at Natsuki and sees the same. 

The tears come somewhere between slowly and quickly, he can feel them coming and yet they somehow still overtake him too soon. He descends into sobs, his face scrunching and his breath hitching and he can feel Ren’s arms around him, and Natsuki’s too. He grabs their shirt, he doesn’t know which one, and he holds as hard as he can. 

He can’t quite believe it, yet. That he’s beautiful. But them.

He can believe in them. 


End file.
